"Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent's house and meets his girlfriend at the door. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are? There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time." "What do you do all day? "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. Q: There are three third grade girls, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you? "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer. If you are traveling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love more.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? " Neighbors in Montana A sucessful business man became disenchanted with the stress of the fast life in the big city and decides to chuck it all. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault..was the asphalt!
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... He takes his savings and purchases a large ranch in the middle of nowhere in Montana. " There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night! " Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day.
" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one." Jesus is watching you One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. " The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name? Q : How can you tell a blonde has been in the bathroom? God answered: A million years is like a minute. Then the man asked: God, how much is a million dollars to you?
He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you! " The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence? A : There is make-up all over the mirror Q : What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? And God replied: A million dollars is like a penny. Finally, the man asked: God, could you give me a penny? Why do they put braille on the number pads of drive-through teller machines?
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